[ it's a foolish thing to hold on to, she knows. this hope, this overwhelming desire to help and save and prove something. ]
I already do every day, [ comes her quiet but firm admission. an endless cycle of never enoughs that have plagued her for as long as she can remember, only exacerbated since her recruitment into alastair. ]
[Goddess, this wasn't the time for this... But she can't leave it some, either. She had taken responsibility for Olivia when she took her as a disciple- it wasn't something she would abandon.]
I am not telling you to let them die, Olivia. I am telling you that you should be more careful with what you use- keep them alive but do not exhaust yourself trying to make them as they should be, not when any moment another patient could show up at your door needing aid! If you need aid, call upon it- you need not think only you can shoulder this burden.
I took you as my disciple because I acknowledged the potential you have- but a healer makes choices every day that could mean life and death. We wish to help, but we must always know that there could be more. There could always be more.
[ olivia can feel the tears prick at her eyes, causing her expression, at least, to crumble. she finally looks away, feeling all the ire fade away into the true emotion here — frustration. helplessness. fear. ]
...how can you handle it, Sieglinde...? How do you find the strength to — to just be okay about it?
[But they are the ones who have to make these sorts of calls. If you've multiple patients and limited resources... You sometimes became the person who made decisions. Things that could affect who lived and who died.]
You know- some people foolishly think that healers are those who are too weak to fight... That we are not good for much, but. I say a healer must be stronger than anyone. Is stronger.
You are yet new to it... But that strength will come.
[ she looks ready to give up right then and there. if a healer has to be stronger than everyone, then surely there's no hope for her.
but then sieglinde offers her that little bit of reassurance, and though it does not boast utmost confidence in her abilities, it is still something...
and she supposes, at this point, something is better than nothing. ]
...I hope it will, Sieglinde. I really hope it will.
[ she sniffles loudly, looking upon the young girl with such hope and reverence. she still... isn't entirely sure she can have that same surety that sieglinde possesses, but she supposes she can at least believe in it. ]
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[ it's a foolish thing to hold on to, she knows. this hope, this overwhelming desire to help and save and prove something. ]
I already do every day, [ comes her quiet but firm admission. an endless cycle of never enoughs that have plagued her for as long as she can remember, only exacerbated since her recruitment into alastair. ]
I might as well do some good while I do it.
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I am not telling you to let them die, Olivia. I am telling you that you should be more careful with what you use- keep them alive but do not exhaust yourself trying to make them as they should be, not when any moment another patient could show up at your door needing aid! If you need aid, call upon it- you need not think only you can shoulder this burden.
I took you as my disciple because I acknowledged the potential you have- but a healer makes choices every day that could mean life and death. We wish to help, but we must always know that there could be more. There could always be more.
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...how can you handle it, Sieglinde...? How do you find the strength to — to just be okay about it?
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It is never alright, Olivia... But.
[But they are the ones who have to make these sorts of calls. If you've multiple patients and limited resources... You sometimes became the person who made decisions. Things that could affect who lived and who died.]
You know- some people foolishly think that healers are those who are too weak to fight... That we are not good for much, but. I say a healer must be stronger than anyone. Is stronger.
You are yet new to it... But that strength will come.
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[ she looks ready to give up right then and there. if a healer has to be stronger than everyone, then surely there's no hope for her.
but then sieglinde offers her that little bit of reassurance, and though it does not boast utmost confidence in her abilities, it is still something...
and she supposes, at this point, something is better than nothing. ]
...I hope it will, Sieglinde. I really hope it will.
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[And it's said with surety, if anything.]
Until then- call upon me or other healers when you need help. Alright?
The man who tries to shoulder the weight of the world only becomes crushed by it.
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Thank you, Sieglinde.
[ ah. ]
...Master.
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You are welcome, disciple.
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